Believe what you want. Just don't make two old guys go door to door in the winter where they can slip and fall and break a hip, just to spread your fables. Believe what you want. Meet with like minded and dance with snakes. I don't care. But like your genitals, don't expose me to your beliefs in public. I don't care. Believe you are a bed bug. I don't care about that either. Just don't try to convert me with your balloon juice. I mean do I REALLY look like a true believer. Do you really want me to be a part of your group?? I bring NOTHING of value to whatever godly life you are trying to live or think you are living...but that is another conversation I don't want to have with you.
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8 comments:
I dislike the door-to-door proselytizers too but what really fries my shorts is when a FRIEND suddenly goes religious or joins a cult or something and then tries to drag me in as well. That really, really offends me.
I knew a girl once who was bi polar but that didn't stop me from having sex with her. Years later she invited me out to tell me how she had found the Lord and that I needed to see the light or burn in hell. All I remember is laughing and enjoying the craziness while eating chicken wings and drinking Cuba Libres. Oh and that her ass got big. Every woman who has broken up with me has developed a large ass as a result. I don't know why but there you have it. I saw her getting out of the car at her church once with some guy and her ass had doubled in size. True story.
I know this means having to engage with them first but if they are Jehova Witnesses, if you tell them you have been disfellowshipped, they are not allowed to talk to you.
Yeh, but why do I even want to admit to THAT. THAT is more embarrassing to me than talking to them. I was such a fuck up that the Jehovas didn't want me and kicked me out?? Damn, that's cold. They will take any idiot that will buy their balloon juice, won't they and I was disfellowshipped? Should I wear my sweater with the scarlet D on it?
I don't think this will comfort you, Cal, but remember that they disfellowshipped Michael Jackson too.
Well he was a weird ass freak.
I like to tell them that I had a falling out with their church, whichever they say, over trials of faith. There are heretics and meddlers in the dark arts all around us, and yet the church refuses to bring back witch trials and public burning. As soon as they do, I'm back in.
Oh me too. I hope they televise that shit. Can Trump go first. I want the flames to get to his hair last.
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