Saturday, January 21, 2017

XXX - The Return Of Xander Cage

Damn this was a fun ride. It doesn't pretend to be anything other than it is. It's a balls to the walls action adventure movie that doesn't waste a second of it's nonsense. It's a live action comic book and it does it's job very well. I was entertained through out by the energetic and creative fight choreography. It was madness. I loved it. All the crazy stunt work and editing and computer effects are just shit if they don't exist in a world I can believe is real. The entire premise of the movie is goofy so everything runs on it's own kind of bizarre logic and it all works.

This world moves at the speed of light and often slows down to show off it's best parts. It's total balloon juice of course but this is why you love the movies. Damn that Vin Diesel. He finally got some sense back and returned to the character that is his second claim to fame. XXX is who Diesel is at his core and it shows in ever scene he's in. It's a nice bit of business for a guy who I don't mind in any of his major franchise roles. I like Riddick and Dom from Fast and the Furious. But XXX is just cool. I know I know. I just want to be him but I know better. I try that and I would break a hip or get sun stroke from that tropical climate. But it's a nice fantasy and that is why I would tell you to watch and enjoy this film if only to watch him retrieve a very important personal possession. I loved it. Diesel is now mocking his past and apologizing for it all at the same time. It's sincere. He just wants to entertain and it's fun. James Bond with tattoos.

Toni Collette is here to replace Gibbons who lives for ten minutes so Sam Jackson could get his trunk full of cash. She is a good replacement. A mentor. An M is a necessary touchstone in movies like these.

Of course the girl that handles the 'support' is a fan girl for Cage. It's really some of the worst writing ever in a movie. Is this the way young girls flirt with man-boys twice their age these days? Though I would totally let her dress me in my body armor. Slutty weapon's experts need the most love.
Of course to get this job done, Cage has to fine his own team of EXTREME folk to back up his latest world saving mission and boy are these folks extreme - and hip - and crazy - but mostly EXTREME which is a word and a thing that I thought died five years ago. Oh look, one or more of them ride a skateboard. Are those still a thing? Like I said, this is an homage to the time when this kind of stuff was actually pop culturally relevant.
Chinese star Donnie Yen is especially good in this. I would like to see him do more work like this in the West. He's got the skills and the charm of a Jet Li.
I love me a movie where teams of people get together to solve their issues by bringing the best skills they possess. Of course not everyone will live to the end of the movie but that is okay. Will I forget XXX ROXC ten minutes after I have seen it? Yes. However, while it was on I enjoyed the hell out of it's ridiculous nature. Like I always say - a high concept requires a full retard execution and this film follows my edict to the letter. It has a neat twist but as always, Xander has an escape plan. I could watch one of these every couple of years. You've seen it all before but that doesn't mean it's a bad movie. Sometimes you don't need to fix what isn't broken.

Coming Soon To The Collection Of Cool

I have the modern Batgirl but want this '66 Batgirl to go with her. I love Funkos but these DORBZ are just that side of too cute for me. However, that doesn't mean I don't like the female versions of these heroes. This style seems to work for the girls in a way it doesn't with the male characters. Always great to have another piece for the Batgirl side of the collection.


The Man Has A Fine Selection, I'll Give Him That

If you want the finest chair in this village you have only one destination. Bring your prettiest goats and be ready to haggle for the best deal you have seen all season. Crazy Omar will do anything to get your butt into the kind of luxurious chair that the man of the hut deserves.

I Love My MSN Feed

How do you plagiarize a CAKE??


 I can't take four years of this balloon juice.
Welcome to hope.

Weekend Image Blizzard


Broken Bells - The Ghost Inside Staring Christina Hendricks

From The Caturday Files


Saturday With The Steampunk Girls